Love, Life, and My Love Life.

Hey everyone, it has been super long since I have written last, and I apologize for that.  I guess I have been quite busy, and just couldn’t really think of anything good to write about.  Recently though I have been going through a bit of a rough time, so that gives a topic to talk about.  So as I have had a little time to think, I feel the need now to share at least with someone a few things that are going on in my mind.  Mainly my thoughts on love, life, and my love life.

As some of you know, my girlfriend broke up with me a little bit ago.  I am not going to go into details, but after dating for over two years, it is a painful breakup.  Well all breakups are painful.  After sacrificing so much time and devotion and such to have it all be taken away is extremely painful.  I am not new to this though, as I have had a few breakups earlier in my life.

I thought about it the other day and I realized that I have been in the dating game for about 9 years.  I first started dating when I was 12, and I have had 6 girlfriends since then.

As I look back on all of this, I realize my heart has been broken a good number of times.  Every single one of these breakups in these relationships had an effect on my heart.  I realize that even though some of these relationships didn’t last that long, that was still time that my heart was a flutter and I spent time and devotion and such on these girls.  And they did the same for me.  They had also sacrificed their time and their hearts for me.  So when I broke up with some of them, I caused them a good amount of pain and heartache as well.

From all this experience, I suppose I have learned a few things about life and love.  One thing I have learned from all this is that waiting to date is probably the smartest thing you can do.  Perhaps just being in all these relationships is just making me stronger and showing me the right and wrong things to do in a relationship.  But it has caused a great deal of pain that I would rather not have.  So I realize now, that maybe I should have waited to date.

Dating in the age range of 12-21 is probably the worst age range to date.  In this time period, we as humans are discovering who we are and what we want to do with our lives.  I know I am a different person than I was 9 years ago.  Back then I didn’t really think about the long-term future, or what I wanted to do with my life.  Nowadays I have a clearer picture as to what I want to do.  I feel that you should start dating once you discover yourself and who you are.

Now this takes a good amount of time.  Some people know what they want to do when they’re very little.  Others go a long time before they figure out what they want.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do til I was a senior in high school.  Even now though I still question if accounting is what I really want to do.

When you are dating someone, you want them to see who you are and what you want out of life, and vice versa; you want to know who this person is and what they want to accomplish in life.   One thing that goes along with this is similarities.  They say opposites attract, but really, two completely opposite people in a relationship isn’t good.  One example is politics.  If you can’t agree on who to vote for, your relationship might not go so well.  I consider myself a pretty conservative person.  I could not date a girl who was very liberal.  These views are so different I just couldn’t get past it.

Now this doesn’t mean that being completely identical is the best way.  Too much similarity isn’t always the best thing.  Too much similarity can get rid of individualism.  We are each our own person, and to be with someone that is exactly like us, to me that loses my sense of self and how I am different than everyone else.  In similarities I believe major issues such as religion and politics must be the same.  But smaller issues such as favorite movie or favorite flavor of ice cream really don’t matter that much.  It’s hard to find that balance and where to draw the line on things.  It’s just something that has to be discussed.  Which brings me to another point: communication.

Communication is extremely key in a relationship.  This can go a few ways.  In a relationship, telling the other person that you like or dislike something is important.  You can not be afraid to speak out.  And you can not hope to wait something out.  For example, if the other person tells a joke that you do not like, you need to speak up and say something about it.  If you stay silent and just hope that they won’t say the joke again, it won’t work.  They will say the joke again and you will start despising them for it.  One extremely important point I have learned is that even though it may hurt, it is better to hear the truth right away than hear a lie.  Because that lie will be uncovered some day, and hearing the truth after being lied to hurts much more than hearing it initially.  Trust me on this.

The other thing about communication is just the fact of interacting.  Human interaction is such a precious thing.  Through this breakup I have realized this fact.  Just talking to people can help get your mind off things, and improve friendships.  Friends are wonderful.  Just knowing that there are people who have your back and are there for you is comforting.  It’s very nice to know that when you need something, your friends are there for you.  My suggestion is to find people that share some commonalities with you.  The best kind of friends are those who you can really connect with, and can really understand you.  Most especially though, the best kind of friends are those who can help you along in your faith.

Faith is probably the biggest, most important aspect of life.  Remember when I said before you date you need to find out who you are?  Well another thing you need to do before you date is find God.  Before you can have a relationship with another person, you first need to have a relationship with God.

What does this mean?  It means giving your heart to Him and spending time with Him every day.  It means giving up a life of sin for a life of salvation.  I may be going through a rough time in my life, but there is one simple truth that I will never lose sight of.  This truth is that God will always be there for me.  God is the almighty creator of this world.  He created humans and therefore will not forget about us.

Another big truth that needs to be realized is that God has a master plan for us all.  This is an extremely hard concept to deal with.  I’m dealing with much heartache right now, how can God want that?  Though He doesn’t want me to be hurt, He has a plan for my life.  I have absolutely no clue what will happen in the future, but the main thing that I must do is to trust in Him.  Perhaps this breakup is just to get time for both of us to further our relationship in Him before furthering our relationship together.  Perhaps this was just a lesson for both of us to learn in order to make another relationship better.  We may get together in the future, but we may not.  The only thing to do really is to trust that God will lead me in a way that is most suiting to His needs.

I went to a concert recently, and Jon Micah Sumrall of Kutless talked about this very subject.  At the time I figured my life was going great and it didn’t apply to me.  But it turned out to be most applicable.  He said that whatever you’re going through is just the smallest part of God’s overall plan.  There are so many people in this world, and God has a plan for every single one of them.  So this breakup that I am going through is rather insignificant compared to the overall aspect of life.  Actually right now I am listening to a song by Falling Up called Bruise, and some of the lyrics go as such: Oh God, who am I but a lily in a field?

But that doesn’t mean I’m not affected by this breakup.  I am certainly not over it right now, and it will take a very long time for my heart to mend.  And it certainly does not mean that God doesn’t care about me or my situation.  God doesn’t expect me to automatically get over something like this.  God wants to help me get through it.  Because our God is love.  He created us so that He would love us.  He sent His son to be crucified because He loves us so much.  And that’s somewhat of an encouraging thought.  God loves me so much that He sent His only son to die for my sins.  No person in this world is capable of doing such a drastic action.

As Romans 8:38-39 reads: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

That right there sums it up.  God loves us so much and will always love us.  As Joshua 1:5 says, “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Even though God was talking to Joshua in this verse, I believe that He was saying it to everyone.  Obviously people here on Earth will leave us.  But God in heaven will always be there for us.

It is this mindset that we must have, coming in to a relationship with another person.  For a real and true relationship that is to last, God must be in the center of that relationship.  Not just a side thing, but the very center.  This is another very important point that I have learned.  When dating these girls, sure we both had a good faith in God, went to our churches, read our bibles, and prayed.  But we didn’t do these things together.  And that was a huge reason none of these relationships worked out.

To establish a good faith in God together, I said earlier that we must find Him for ourselves first.  This is so we can find another person who shares in our beliefs.  I could never date a girl who wasn’t a Christian.  Because my life is all about living for God, how can I be with someone who doesn’t live their life for God?  It just can’t happen.  So finding a person who shares our beliefs and values in the Christian faith is most vital.  Once that is established, other items of the faith must be put in to play immediately.  One particularly important item is prayer.

Prayer I have learned is a most powerful asset that we as Christians can use.  Prayer is a way of talking to God, and telling Him our needs.  Many times when we ask for something in prayer, God will grant our needs.  As it says in James 5:15-16, “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Now of course this doesn’t mean that every single prayer will be answered the way we want it.  We can’t expect God to always give us what we want.  But this doesn’t mean we can’t try.  It will not hurt you to pray; it can only help.  For just talking to God gives out a good feeling.  Though if you are praying for forgiveness, God will always grant you that.  Because Jesus died on the cross, our sins will always be forgiven.  All we have to do is come to God with a faithful heart and ask Him to forgive us.  And He will do it.  One thing I don’t really like about Catholicism is their view on forgiveness.  They’re the ones with that box that is always in movies where the person sits beside the priest and confesses their sins and the priest forgives them.  In my opinion, the priest or pastor or whatever you want to call them does not have authority to forgive a person of their sins.  God is the only one who can truly forgive us of our sins.  But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t confess our sins to others.  If we have wronged someone, we need to seek their forgiveness.  If you make a mistake in a relationship, confess to your partner what you did and ask them to pray for you.  Though another person’s forgiveness doesn’t wipe your sin away (like I said, only God can truly do that), it will strengthen the relationship.

As 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  Likewise as Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”

Prayer is such an extremely important thing.  And not just praying at the dinner table.  We should pray to God more often than that.  It is when we pray that we are in close quarters with God and we can share our most intimate thoughts.  And praying with other people is something we should be doing.  In my relationships there was prayer said at dinner, but that was it, and it was rarely done by me.  Praying in front of other people has always been a little uncomfortable for me.  I always figured it was best to do it privately and that’s it.  But I realize now that I need to be praying with other people more.

When we pray with other people, we are gaining support from the people we pray with.  The power of the prayer is multiplied as well.  As Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”  God encourages us to pray with others.  I haven’t understood that until now.  If you and your partner pray together, God is present, and it lets Him know that you both are committed to Him.  And like I said, it gains us support.  When we pray, we are sharing our heart with God and whoever we are praying with.  The other person is there to help lift you up and give you support.  It is with this support that we can grow stronger.

As 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”  The Bible clearly tells us that we are to support one another.  A plant cannot grow if it is not given sunlight, water, and nutrients.  Just as we as humans cannot grow if we do not have God, His word, and other believers.  Prayer is the thing that holds it all together.  I’m not saying to never pray by yourself anymore, no we still need to do that.  Some things we only want to keep between ourselves and God.  He still wants an intimate relationship between Himself and our own individual selves.  What I am saying is that we need to pray with others as well.  We can only grow so much by ourselves.  We need other believers to help us as well.

And a good place to find other believers is at a church.  This is another important part of a relationship, agreeing on church.  To me, I really don’t care about denominations.  Brethren, United Methodist, Baptist, I don’t care.  To me, church is all about worshiping with fellow believers.  To me, the reason we have different churches is because everyone has different styles of worshiping.  At my church we have two different services; a traditional service and a contemporary service.  The reason my church does this is because we realize that we can’t force people to worship in one particular way.  Some people like to worship only with piano and organ and a choir, some people such as myself like to worship with guitars and drums.  And this is something that needs to be established in a relationship.

In a relationship you need to figure out each others style of worship.  And you need to respect that style.  I like to worship at full volume, and I will probably never change.  If I’m ever with someone again, they need to know this and respect this.  And I need to do the same for them.  Which comes down to choosing a church that you both can agree on.  Now I love my church very much, but I am willing to go to another church if that’s what it takes.  But she needs to want to do the same.  Compromising is important in a relationship.  In this case it is almost essential.  If neither of you care for the others church, then you need to compromise on finding another church that you both like.  If you can’t decide at all, then you could just go to your church and your partner to theirs.  It’s not recommended, but it can work.  The main point is to try to compromise.  Because not everyone worships the same, and no one should be forced to worship in a way that they don’t like.

To which no one should be forced to do anything they don’t like in a relationship.  This oftentimes happens with being physical.  I’ll admit, I’m a physical guy, and I probably should have stepped back instead of pushing forward many a time.  This is a weakness of mine, I won’t deny it.  Initially though there’s nothing wrong with being physical in a relationship, but you both need to set some ground rules on where to draw the line.  And this should be done near the beginning of the relationship.  Because when you’re already far into the relationship without discussing boundaries and start getting physical, things can move quicker than they should.  I have learned now that it’s best to avoid tempting situations in the first place by talking about it at the beginning.  It might be a little weird I suppose, since getting physical shouldn’t happen til later.  But it’s best to get both people to share what they believe boundaries should be, and then make a pact to stand by it.

And probably most important about being physical is to save sex until marriage.  Of course this is not an easy thing to do.  Society has distorted the idea of sex.  I’m sure sex is a very pleasurable activity, which society really brings out.  But, the most important thing is that it is a gift from God for married couples, which society does not endorse.  There are so many movies and t.v. shows out there that show people having sex with all kinds of people all the time.  This is not what God wants.  Plus, there’s always a chance of the woman getting pregnant.  Condoms aren’t totally effective, and really, is the pleasure really worth the risk of getting pregnant?

The point is that boundaries should be discussed.  In the heat of the moment it might feel good, but you have to think of the possible consequences.  Besides, you have the rest of your life to be really physical and have sex and such.  You can wait a few more years for that.  I can’t tell you what is too far and what isn’t for you.  You and your partner have to decide for yourselves where you draw the line.  Just make sure you discuss it and then stick to it!

Another observation that I have discovered about life and love and such is the idea of expectation.  Expectations in this case are just things that we wish to happen.  This is the area in which I feel I have really struggled in.  I come up with plans for an evening for example, some activities that will make it the perfect night.  But of course things never go the way we really want them to, so when something doesn’t happen the way I want it to, I get mad.  I have learned that this is not the way to go.  Things will never be the perfect way that I want them to be.  And this is something that I need engraved in my mind.  Though I don’t think I’m the only one.

I hate it when people describe their perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, and then turn down anyone that doesn’t fit their description.  Like for example, someone might say their perfect girl would be tall, have blonde hair, be able to sing and cook perfectly, like a certain movie and a certain band, etc.  It’s fine to maybe want a girl who possesses some of those  qualities, but that doesn’t mean that should be the only type we ever want.  Or one thing I really hate is when girls say they won’t marry a guy unless he gets her a certain ring from a certain store.  Seriously?  You can’t put that kind of pressure on someone.  Because if you always have these high expectations, you will always be disappointed.  Now I’m not saying you should settle for a plastic ring won at Chuck E. Cheese (though who wouldn’t want that?).  But what I am saying is that at least for me, I need to stop expecting things to go my way and go perfectly.  Sometimes things will go exactly as I want them to, but other times not.  I need to learn to handle the situations that don’t go the way I plan.

Such is life though, always throwing things at us that we don’t expect.  The best thing that we can do is to trust God in all of this.  I know I already said it, but it’s an extremely important point that many of us forget.  We always want our lives to go a certain way, but we have to remember that God has a plan for us.  As Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”  We may not like the situations we are put into, but as long as we trust in God, He will provide for us.

This is such a hard thing to grasp though.  We all have bad days, and times where we just feel down and that nothing is going right.  And that’s ok.  We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t feel down at least sometimes.  The main thing is how long we stay down.  Like I said, we all have bad days. On those days we question God and we just can’t seem to trust Him.  But the reason for these feelings is so that we can become stronger in our faith.  It’s ok to question God, for that is how we learn.  When we have a question, we ask God and then look to the bible for the answer.  Now the bible doesn’t blatantly spell out all the answers of life.  They have to be read between the lines.  It takes studying and most importantly, it takes time.

When we get a cut or some other sort of injury, it doesn’t heal within a day or two days usually.  It takes a good amount of time to heal.  Such is with our hearts.  When we go through a breakup or just a tough time in life, it is going to take time to heal.  I don’t think my heart will ever be 100% again, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to love again.  I will forever carry these memories, but I still have room for many more to come.

We don’t have all that much time to live here in this world.  I might live to be 100, but I might die tomorrow.  We will never know when it is our time to leave, so we have to make each day count.  I’m not talking about that stupid yolo stuff.  I’m talking about making a difference to the people around you.  You were put on this earth for a reason, so live like it.  The ultimate ending is to go to heaven.  So live like you want to go there, and live like you want everyone else to go there too.  Jesus made it easy so that all we have to do is accept Him into our hearts.  When we live with Jesus in our hearts, our lives are much better.  Sure there will always be pain around us, and things will not always be perfect, but with Jesus, earthly things shouldn’t matter that much.

Life will be tough, I can certainly attest to that.  And there are plenty of other people who have it even more rough.  But as Hebrews 10:36 says, “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”  And what He has promised is eternal life in heaven.  I know I say it many times in this blog, but I say it because it is important and true.

Relationships are a huge part of life.  We all have relationships with our family, friends, and sometimes a significant other.  But the most important relationship is the one with God.  When we have a strong relationship with God, all our other relationships are strengthened as well.  When we have strong relationships all around, life is made much more simpler.

I’m not saying I know everything there is to know about life and love.  I’m only 21 right now; I still have many years ahead of me to learn and grow even more.  But I just felt the need to share what I already have learned so that I may help anyone else who may need it.  Life is tough and love is difficult.  But I have learned that when God is at the center of your life and is the foundation for your relationships, things will go much smoother.

I could probably give some more pointers on life and tell some other things I have learned.  But this post is long enough already, so I will just write other posts along the way.  I hope in some way this post has helped you or at least got you thinking.  I don’t know everything there is to know about life and love, but I’ve at least learned a few things and have grown a lot.  I still have many more things to learn and still more growing to do.

I will end with a link to the song Take Me Oh Lord In Thy Hands by Matt & Toby.  I will post the lyrics as well.  Please take the time to look over them, as I feel they really apply to this post and to our lives in general.  Feel free to question and/or comment then as well, and I will be happy to answer or discuss anything.  God bless 🙂

With each passing day I am certain
That I need my life in Your hands
This world that I cling to is never enough
To bring me the joy that You can

Words always fail in my trouble
And my hands seem to lead me a stray
But Your sweet forgiveness is waiting for me
It’s the reason for hope
It’s the reason I’m free

Take me oh Lord in Thy hands
Make me a part of Your plans
Take me oh Lord in Thy hands
So that I may find my rest
In Your strength, in Your mercy
In Your love

Please set my eyes on Your glory
And help keep my hope on the cross
Never let me stray to far from Your reach
Never let Your word be lost

We call you the King of all kings
Mighty Lord and Prince of Peace
But more than all other names I call you Jesus
The name that I cried and You came to save me

Take me oh Lord in thy hands
Make me apart of your plans
Take me oh Lord in thy hands
So that I may find my rest
In your strength, In your mercy
In your love

With all of my voice I cry Jesus
Please forgive this heart I held from You
I’m weary from wasting my life on myself
Take it and make it brand new

Take me oh Lord in thy hands
Make me apart of your plans
Take me oh Lord in thy hands
So I may find my rest
In your strength, In your mercy
In your love